Transformers 3 Review

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Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, Patrick Dempsey

Director: Michael Bay

So here it is, the final chapter of the most unlikely and profit fuelled trilogy of the last decade (apart from maybe all those Pirates films) in which more CG robots will attack each other and some people will run away. To say these films don’t break type is an understatement.

But while the first film was at least some good fun, any good will was destroyed by the abominable second, a new low point for already maligned director Michael Bay. So, the conclusion to this multibillion dollar earning trilogy must be a step up, right?

This closing chapter to the trilogy sees Sam Whitwicky and his new girlfriend Carly once again deep in the war between the friendly Autobots and the dastardly Decepticons. This time they are fighting over a crashed Transformer ship located on the dark side of the moon and the secret reason why the space race happened at all.

With the contents of the crashed ship being a weapon of possibly apocalyptic levels, it’s a fight yet again between the machines for control over it.

This is a story as dull and dragging as it is convoluted and dim-witted. There are seemingly endless scenes of characters going over the same points over and over again, great actors embarrassing themselves as Michael Bay proves yet again he cannot direct people and forgettable characters piling on the levels needless complexity.

This could have been saved by anything resembling wit or talent in front of the lens, but there’s no hope there. Bad, clichéd or tired jokes are churned out by actors left helpless. Shia LaBeouf simply screams throughout the film, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley shows precisely why this will probably be her first and last blockbuster role (all while being filmed almost pornographically)and just about everybody else is limp and lifeless.

Only John Tuturro as the returning Agent Simmons and Alan Tudyk as his assistant seem to be in on the joke.

A joke the film misses completely, with a tone so serious you’d think you were watching Saving Private Ryan. For a film called Transformers too, this is a picture obsessed with its human stars, barely showing the eponymous androids for most of the lengthy running time.

Thankfully though, the final payoff, basically the destruction of Chicago, is right up with Bay’s levels of crazy explosion fests.

But forty minutes of good, if not ground breaking, action do not make up for more than double that time of awful acting, horrid attempts at humour, a story that takes eons to get nowhere with mind numbing tedium.

Action is only thrilling action if the audience is engaged. This just means that by the time the film gets round to flexing its muscles and showing some really cool flashes, it’s hard not to feel numb to anyone and anything on screen. It’s a real waste of set pieces that would have worked so well, if only anyone cared about the outcome.

While not as offensive as the last robotic caper, Dark of The Moon just feels like a bad remake of the original with extra padding. And when you’re rehashing the first Transformers film already, you know you’re in trouble.

Despite all the layers of polish in Hollywood being thrown at Dark of The Moon, nothing can disguise a bag of bolts like this. But, on the plus side, it’s still far better than Sucker Punch. 

(FemaleFirst)

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